365 days have passed since our beloved Prashanth parted us, back to the spiritual realm, the homeland of our souls.
Although we will be going to the same place when the time is ripe, for each of us, it is still difficult to go through each day without seeing him and hearing his wonderful voice. In fact he was a good singer in his younger days and he could also dance but abruptly put a stop to it. When I asked him he just shy away. Probably he did not want to reveal all his talents although we know he is multitalented.
His absence makes us feel empty all around. An important link is missing. The thoughts of not going to have this link again, in our earthly life makes us petrifying. Along with us all other loved ones are also grieving each time they realise the link is missing.
The stock of happiness we were building up for the future has been snatched from us. I had wonderful family and with my daughter-in-law around I was totally elated. She became a perfect fit as an elder sister to my second son Vinod. My wife and I did not want anything more than just happiness. As to me success equals happiness. And now for my family life equals grief. We keep screaming and crying but the sound and tears just keep fading and evaporating simultaneously into the air. Now, the only hope for some of us is in the next realm and I believe it will be much better than over this side.
I told my wife that after his marriage I will be spending more time with Prashanth sitting and talking while my wife hang around with Tasha shopping. I even said as I age he will be my best friend. My wife on the other hand was craving to see him as paediatrician in a nearby hospital. Seeing her in her present condition makes me feel so miserable. We are parents of the same child but grieving differently in many ways.
My wife and I are pulling through each day by crawling. When we take two steps forward the grief pushes us back and sometimes back to where we were. We have accepted that we have no other choice but to fulfil the earthly obligations as individual souls. It is totally painful to see my daughter-in-law to be without Prashanth and my son Vinod being without his only elder brother. I am now totally convinced that ‘Hell’ is not on the other side.
Grief is the biggest hidden destructive weapon which I came to know in the last one year. Grief teaches us many things and I can write a book on it, in fact anyone who is grieving can do it. It is that simple to write a book on grief, if you are grieving. With 365 days of grief you can easily pen 365 pages. You don’t even need an editor. The flow of its contents will be just like the flow of your tears.
Why do we have to go through this grief? Why this mandatory punishment is administered with small doses of lethal poison daily named ‘grief’ tearing us into pieces while prolonging our life. I kept asking. What are we learning? What are the hidden plans working against our own plans? Why is the mystery? What other mysteries will pop up and when? We are told not to fear but these mysteries working behind the scenes are the biggest fear of all. The mysteries themselves are the cause of the fear.
What is the agenda of this mystery? The only answer I got to-date is that, it is all in the plan – your soul plan, a hidden plan of yours which you will know only when you are back to your spiritual home, the home where you were born. You will see vivid pictures of why you were to be in the earth, what you were supposed to do and you did not do.
The books I read over this one year and after pondering why things happen this way, there are glimpses to show why we are here, what we are supposed to do and where we will go with the 20 watts energy when we discard our body. The mind disposes the brain and takes back only the knowledge.
As for me now, apart from going to office, I spend most of the time at home reading books related to after-life and books written by grievers. In the last few months, I have been also working on this website/blog, with my wife beside me. I hardly talked about this website/blog to anyone else until the day was getting closer for the simple reason I was not sure whether I could breathe, until 7th of August 2012. Every day, in the morning and before going to bed I requested Prashanth to assist me to have the website done on time. He has helped me.
Currently and in my future, books are going to be my best companion. My wife and I share of what we read. Books have been our daily doses of “pain killers”, to keep us closing each day while waiting with anxiety for the next grieving day. I realised one thing that, although life is fragile our heart is premeditated to withstand such traumatised pain for a long period.
My wife and I still use to wonder what would have happened to us if not of the books? Who made me read all these books until today without any break? I still believe it is our son Prashanth, right from the day the first book, ‘Biocentrism’ recommended by my daughter-in-law Tasha which Prashanth has talked about. Behind the scene he is still giving us the push to keep ourselves to be pre-occupied. As such, while we have the little strength clinging with us, we will do what we are supposed to do. I just ask Prashanth to guide me daily. When he was young I guided him and now he being a ‘spiritual doctor’, I will seek guidance from him.
While grieving, my wife and I also wonder how those over dependent on their loved ones handle this kind of situation especially if they are poor, old, sick, illiterate or unaware of any grief support or if there is no family support. I believe they need more support than people like us. Grievers are born daily and we all need to assist them with respect what they are going through.
It has been said that to make yourself happy you need to make others happy. Likewise, to cope with our grief we need to assist others who are going through grief. I wish that through this blog, we could reach many people to share our knowledge and experience and at the same time assist grievers along the way.
As for me I believe my son Prashanth will be with me to do my little part of what he wanted to do in this earthly realm. With his love and blessings from the other side, I will just move on taking care of my beloved ones until I am called to be with him and gradually and eventually having united once again in our native land, the spiritual home.