Our loved ones from the other side

We hear people saying that our loved ones who have parted us continue to keep in touch with us, all the time. It is we who are not seem to be aware. However, sometimes they might show us in strange ways that might  make sense of their presence. Recently I read  a book ‘Do Dead People Watch You Shower’ written by Concetta Bertoldi, a full-time famous medium  and who consults regularly with members of Britain’s  royal family, American celebrities, politicians and others.

Do not feel odd by just looking at the title of the book. The title just refers to one of the questions of more  than 100 questions in this book. I found this book to be useful as I see that she is honest about what she  knows and what she does not know.  In this book she has stated that there could not be coincidences if some strange things happen, after someone in our family  crosses over to the other side. She believes that our loved ones assist us in some ways which also become the validation of their existence. Below is one of the questions which she has highlighted and related it to an experience (in own words) she had with one of her clients.

Is there another word that you prefer to coincidence? 

Well, rather than “coincidences.’ I think of them as validations because they validate the near-perfection of the Other Side. I’ve heard so many stories of things coming together in ways that seem really impossible with our limited way of understanding.

 I did a reading for a woman and the person who came through was her sister. Her sister was showing me a ring and she was say 19 to tell my client, “with all my love,” which is something that happens frequently’ –  I’ll be shown an object that has meaning between the client and the individual who has passed on and is communicating from the Other Side. My client acknowledged that she knew what the ring meant and I continued with the reading.  I didn’t stop and ask her what the ring meant – l didn’t want to know. I try not to let people tell me things while I’m doing the reading because I don’t want to lose the thread of what is going on with the communication, and I also don’t want information that may color what I’m hearing from the Other Side. So I only asked her, “Do you know what ring she is talking about?” and my client said, yes, she did.

 Afterward, though, she said to me, “Concetta, I want to tell you a story

When her sister died, my client had wanted to have some keepsake of hers and what she chose was a ring that her sister had worn. The ring was not very valuable, but it was precious to her because of its significance, so she didn’t want to wear it and possibly lose it. She kept it in a jewelry box. One day, she’s looking in the box and notices that the ring isn’t there. She gets very upset, doesn’t know where the ring could have gone. She mentions to her family that the ring is missing, and her teenage daughter sadly confesses that she took the ring. Unfortunately, she wore it when she went out with friends and somewhere along the way she lost it. She had no idea where – they’d been to the movies, the mall, McDonald’s. It could have been lost anywhere, and frankly, losing it in any of those places, they knew they’ cl never see the ring again.

 A year and a half goes by. One day my client’s son comes home from seeing a movie with his friends. He says, Mom, look what I found.” He shows her a ring. It’s her sister’s ring: She said, “Where on earth did you find it’ He said, “I bought some popcorn, and when I got to the bottom of the bag, there it was. What an amazing thing! Some would say, ’What a coincidence.”

 Now, as I’ve said, in my worldview there is no such thing as a coincidence. You can say whatever you want about how the ring got into the popcorn. You can make up a whole logical story: The daughter loses the ring in the theatre. Maybe somebody has the job of cleaning up and he finds the ring. He thinks, Oh, it’s a girl’s ring. I’ll just give it to so-and-so,” a co-worker. So maybe this girl now wears the ring and one night she’s working the popcorn machine and as she scoops out popcorn, the ring falls into the bag without her noticing it. The customer who bought the –popcorn finds the ring. It just happens to be the son of the woman to whom the ring belonged.

 it could happen that way I sure, But I don’t think you could even calculate the odds of the customer buying the popcorn and finding the ring being the brother of the girl who lost the ring a year and a half earlier. In my world, the only possible way this could happen is with some help from the one to whom this outcome is most important – my client’s sister on the Other Side.

Life After The Death Of My Son

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About The Author

120805-06763_p3Dennis L Apple is on the pastoral staff at College Church of the Nazarene in Olathe, Kansas. Dennis has started numerous support groups and counsels couples and individuals who grieve the death of a child. In the church where he serves, Dennis oversees recovery and support groups, senior adult ministry, and hospital visitation. Dennis and wife, Buelah, live in Olathe, Kansas. They have one adult son, Andrew.

About The Book

120606-36824_p2Pastor Dennis wrote this book, 16 years after his son Denny passed on.

On the morning of February 6, 1991, Dennis Apple discovered the lifeless body of his son on their family room couch. Eighteen-year-old Denny had died without warning from what was later explained as complications due to Mono.

The great thing about Pastor Dennis is that he has openly and honestly written whatever he went through. He says what he feels.

He assumed that such disaster would not take place in his family as god would protect him at all times. But when that happened, he just could not believe. As a pastor he too was disappointed and even started questioning god although he did not give up his faith. However, there were times his wife and he were wondering whether prayers really matter?

Pastor Dennis conveys that the grief he went through was unbearable. He sometimes felt that he is recovering only to realise that the attack pops up again very severely. The way he has written touches you deeply and as for me, as a grieving father, I need not have to explain further.

However, while he was grieving, he went on to help other grievers. Although he had felt many times god has abandoned him, he now sees God differently.

One notable thing about this book is that he has meticulously listed 30 signs that would help a griever to recognise that he or she is getting better. As for me it is now exactly one year since my beloved son parted me. I can say that I failed the test 100% and will definitely fail again and again. Pastor Daniel knows cleary how a parent will feel when a child passes on, even after years.

This book reveals that many people are not able to help grievers and in some cases they say things which can further aggravate the griever’s pain. I believe this might be a universal problem too.

This book could also be useful to all those support groups for grievers. It will make us understand that immaterial who we or how religious we are, when a love one, especially a child, passes on, it is unbearable. Thus when handling grievers we ought to know that there can be no standard format to help them.

In my personal opinion it is a book for everyone.

Chapters:

1. Will It Always Hurt This Much?
2. Will Our Marriage Survive This?
3. Am I Losing My Mind?
4. Where is God?
5. I Don’t Want Him To Be Forgotten
6. Hist Birthday is coming……….
7. I love my Church – but Sometimes It Hurts to Be There
8. I Didn’t Cry This Morning
9. I’m Beginning To Live Again
10. A Wounded Heavers?

 

Publishing Information

Author Dennis L. Apple
ISBN 1 13-978-0-8341-2365-7
Publisher Beacon Hill Press
Publication Date 2008
Total Pages 188

Life With A Hole In It

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About The Author

120819-24768_p3Vicki Woodyard is a writer who resides in Atlanta, Georgia. She received a B.S. degree, in English and Psychology frm the University of Memphis. She has spent her life in spiritual path.

Although she has been writing, this is a first book. Her daughter was diagnosed with cancer when she was three and she moved to the spiritual realm when she was seven. Her husband then passed on in 2004 due to multipe myeloma.

About The Book

120606-09372_p2Vicki talks about losing her young daughter and seeing her through the pain, over the years can be traumatising. To add on to it her husband joined her daughter after being affected by myeloma, a form of cancer. However, Vicki narrates her story with a punch of humour. I believe her intention is in a way to see that the reader does not feel emotionally upset but to focus on her message, the path she has taken to spiritually.

She did not go into details of what she had gone through. However, she says that all those who are undergoing grief will feel, totally alone. This is true as you can ask any parents who have parted their child. They will tell you each one of them experiencing it differently. In some cases, sad to say, they even end up going in different paths.

The book tells you that you have to recognise the pain and then handle it. It is not easy to go through such pain but it is the only choice one has, until the last day of one’s life in this earth.

The book comes with 131 pages, with brief notes under different headings. Although you can read it in one sitting, you need to give a thought how Vicki could be handling her life with two loved ones who not only parted her but how she would have gone through to see them leaving her, bit by bit. In spite of all these she has been able to handle her life. That would not have been easy, although she did not write much on this part of her prolonged grief.

 

Her website:-

http://www.vickiwoodyard.com/

Publishing Information

Author Vicki Woodyard
ISBN 1 978-1-60910-277-7
Publisher Booklocker.com
Publication Date 2010
Total Pages 131

My Son… My Son…

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About The Author

120809-08554_p3Iris Bolton served as the Executive Director of The Link Counselling Centre, a non-profit family counselling centre in Atlanta, Georgia, for 36 years. She is now the Director of Emeritus. In 1994, The Link’s main office expanded to include “The House Next Door”, a home next to The Link devoted to grief programs for children and their caregivers and to The National Resource Centre for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare.

About The Book

120606-84329_p2In this book Iris Bolton movingly shares her story of the loss of her 20 years old son, who committed suicide in 1977 and how she had to go on living feeling as a failed parent.   At the time her son passed on she was a counsellor of a family therapy centre. Thus she felt totally guilty and humiliated.

Iris Bolton says suicide of a child while enduring the pain of loss it could further compound with embarrassments, humiliation and feelings of guilt and anger. However, she used her painful experience and used it as “gift” to guide others in similar situation while struggling to go through her own grief. In Appendix D, ‘Beyond Surviving’, she has listed 25 elements in how you may handle grief.

A book to be read by all parents, for one good reason, that is to prevent suicide.  We all should be aware; suicide is on the rise, universally. I came across a report in 2007  by World Health Organisation that 3000 people commit suicide every day, that works out to two people every minute. Probably it might reach to three, any time soon. It is also becoming rampant among youngsters.  Losing a child in an accident or natural cause is already traumatising, what more to say if it is a suicide of a teenager.

I look at this book more of a wake-up call to parents not to overlook the hidden signs of their children contemplating suicide, when you might assume everything is going fine. Maybe the parents should  read out some of the excerpts  to the children to show the mistakes made by young children and the sufferings endured by the family members.

With just 107 pages you can read the book in one sitting but it could help to save more lives in future. It will also help  the support group  to learn what is grief all about and show your compassion and assist the griever in a way it should.

The book is divided into two main parts with 21 chapters:-

Part One  : The Bitter Taste of Hemlock.

Part Two :  Blueprint For Renewal

Publishing Information

Author Iris Bolton and Curtis Mitchell
ISBN 1 0-9616326-0-7
Publisher Bolton Press Atlanta
Publication Date 1983
Total Pages 112

Grieving Dads

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About The Author

120713-79858_p3Kelly Farley lost two of his babies over an 18-month period due to prenatal complications. He lost his daughter Katie, in 2004 and son, Noah, 2006. He felt that the society as whole does not understand the trauma dads undergo with the loss of a child and that they are only focused more on the mothers. His pains due to the loss prompted him to write this book, to help other grieving dads.   He also maintains  a blog, GrievingDads.com.

He is currently pursuing his M.S. Ed. Degree in counselling to help others who are grieving.

About The Book

120630-50855_p2Kelly interviewed many grieving dads and has  exhibited  clearly of each different grieving dads who have to endure so much pain and yet sometimes close family and close friends seem to be of not of much help. They seem not to understand. However, there are always others who are new to you, but yet could be of help.

You would not be surprised to see that in his interview he came across grievers  who have gone to the extent of contemplating  suicide  as they cannot bear the loss.  Most of them, while they endure this unexpected and unwanted tragedy in lifetime and  while crying in private, they have to keep moving, taking care of those under their care. Thus,  facing challenges where there are no solutions easily available.

The quotes given in Chapter 10 by some of the grieving dads will touch your heart.

Note: As a father obviously I was waiting for this book  to be published. I received this book on the 10th of June 2012 and finished reading for the 1st round within two days.

The book is divided into 10 chapters:-

  1. The Brink
  2. Shock & Trauma
  3. Society’s Expectations
  4. Strained Responses
  5. Rock Bottom
  6. Real Help
  7. Beyond The Here And Now
  8. The Long View
  9. Unexpected Positives
  10. Back

When There Are No Words – Finding your way to cope with loss and grief

Aside

About The Author

Charlie Walton is a full-time wordmonger….providing scriptwriting, copywirting, and speechwriting services, to business and educational clients. Doing business as The Wordmonger, Charlie has developed a diverse customer clientele among telecommunication, education, training, church, and marketing executives.

Charlie is a ghostwriter for the other people’s books and speechwriter for many corporate executives. “When There Are No Words” is his first nationally published book under his own name.

(extracted from Amazon com.)

About The Book

120717-53069_p2Charlie lost two of his sons at the same time. He talks about his personal experience of the grief he goes through and gives some tips on how to go on moving by doing things although he says, time will not heal wounds.He also finds that many people are not able to console one who is grieving although they try to do so.Sometimes the way one delivers the message of someone who has passed on can be very disturbing which he relates from his own experience.

The book which has just 112 pages can be read just in one sitting. However,  Walton describes  meaningfully  the physical, spiritual, emotional, and social effects  when one is grieving and those things which could help and would not help.

Publishing Information

Author Charlie Walton
ISBN 1 0-934793-57-3
Publisher Pathfinder Publishing of California
Publication Date 1996
Total Pages 112

A Grief Un-Veiled

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About The Author

120815-24267_p3The Author Gregory Floyd lost his son in 1995 when he was six and half years old. At that time he was serving as the Northeast Regional Director of Legatus, an internaitonal ministry that  provides spiritual support to business executives. He was also a leader of the People of Hope, a Catholic covenant community of 700 members.

He currently holds a Master’s Degree in theology and he is a Senior Cordinator of People of Hope at New Jersey.

About The Book

120806-53324_p2John-Paul was six and half, Gregory Flyod’s fourth child when he  moved over to the spiritual world, after a car which went out of control and hit him, just outside their home.

Being a staunch Catholic he did not give up on his religion and that he continued to believe in his faith that God is always with him and helping him to go through this grief.  He has faith that his son is in heaven, in the hands of God.

Although, sometimes some people give up their faith in god when a mishap happens here is a case of where in spite of the grief Gregory Flyod had faith in god to help him to cope with his life along with him family. Thus, each family might handle grief differently.

From this book one important crystal clear message is that immaterial how many children you have losing a child will definitely be still traumatising since a link will be still missing. This book will reveal the kind of pain one has to endure during family gatherings and functions. You will notice that more often than not there are some people who tell a grieving parent that he or she should be happy that there are other children around whereas some people have lost their only child. I believe these people do not understand and value the parents’ feelings. We just cannot make such comparison.

Just read this book to understand the feelings of  the parents who have many children  and how they go through grief, when one suddenly move on to the other side.

In the last chapter, he says that the more we love the more we suffer. Lots of people say that the first year is the hardest but many psychologists say the second is worse. My wife and I as parents  endorse it, since we are now in the second year.

The book has 18 chapters. Some of which – changed forever in an instant, the many ways of saying good byes, the first month, the children and grief, I will speak to you in dreams, the end of beginnings  and the strength of surrender.

Publishing Information

Author Gregory Floyd
ISBN 1 1-55725-215-7
Publisher Paraclete Press
Publication Date 1999
Total Pages 194

Immortal

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About The Author

By Diana Hewson is now retired after working for many years in the high tech industry in middle management. She now lives with her second husband in New Hamshphire. Diana did her own research on life after death and the spiritual world after her husband Ed passed on. It helped her to understand spiritually and accepted that we will have ups and downs in our life.

About The Book

120814-39294_p2Diana and Ed were married for 34 years.  Her husband then passed away due to heart attack in 2003. They were both very close and led a solitary life, away from friends and relatives. They had a mutual understanding not to have children.

Diana was in distraught when Ed passed on and thought she will not be able to go on without Ed. She also had to maintain a farm at home and  things became difficult for her. It took her one and a half years before she sold the farm and moved into a condo.  She also communicated with some friends and eventually was able to create her own support group.

Initially after he passed on and when her friends told her that Ed would be communicating with her, she did not believe. Diana and Ed were not religious and never believed on life after death.  However, after some time, there were signs and messages which she could not ignore and that led her to do her on research on life after death.

One month after Ed passed on, he came in her dream saying he feels great as the chest pain has vanished. Diana says that based on her research,reading books and experience, dreams  which are vivid and memorable are actual visitations.

One important thing we all can learn from many of the similar books is that each one of us become desperate when someone close parts us and that even small signs and messages seem to give some relief that our loved one is fine over the other side.

Contents:

Chapter  1          : The End
Chapter  2          : How to Continue?
Chapter 3           : Reflections
Chapter 4           : Friends & Initial Signals
Chapter 5           : Research
Chapter 6           : Dreams & Happenings
Chapter 7           : Mediums & Friends
Chapter 8           : Never Ending Relationship

Publishing Information

Author Diana Hewson
ISBN 1 978-1-4525-3204-2
Publisher Balboa
Publication Date 2011
Total Pages 132