When my son Prashanth moved on to the next realm I was wondering why some people stayed away from me. Some of my close friends and relatives who were in continuous touch with me suddenly put a halt to all communication, including e-mails. I assumed email would be the best tool for someone to communicate with me or probably at least a text message. But very few did it.
What I heard from others was that they do not know what to say or how to console me. Some even said that they do not want to trouble me. I was then asking myself whether I was abnormal in craving to talk about my son to someone everyday, which I do to this day. But it was a natural feeling I had. I then assumed probably I am one of the few exceptional case. Everyday, and more often on weekends my eyes will keep turning to my home entrance, hoping someone close to me will pop in. Of course although there were some closed ones who visited us, there were many who never turned up until today. In some cases I have met up with some friends accidentally and I do even asked them whether they knew what happened to my family. Normally they nod their head acknowledging or say “Yes”. So, I realised that sometimes there are blocks within us which hinder us from communicating with people who have lost their loved ones.
I realised I could only talk about my son most of the time with my own wife . Occasionllly I do the same with very close relatives and friends of mine. At the same time I even start talking about my son to people whom I meet for the first time. I feel very desperate if I don’t talk about my son. So much so I even talked to those whom I had to interview for a job. Some even listened very intensively. Fortunately they did not walk a way. Otherwise, it would have been not only embarrassing but painful as well.
Am I crazy talking about my son regularly? l realised I am not. As I was reading many books I realised that I am not alone who is seeking for ‘listeners’. Many of those who have lost their loved ones feel the same. They say almost the same things.
In one of the books ‘I’m still with you’ written by the spiritual medium Carole she touched on this subject. Below is an extract from the book.
“If you are the one who is giving comfort to others who are grieving, take action and offer to do something for them that will help in day-to day living. Preparation of a meal, tending to a garden, running errands or cleaning house are chores that often get neglected when people are grieving. Many people simply need someone to listen to them talk about a departed loved one, which helps release the pain of loss. Don’t ever say, “If you need anything, call me,” because most people in grief will never pick up the phone to do so. You must be the one to reach out. Your time and talents will help to ease someone’s passage in ways you may not even imagine.”
In fact, after reading this I realised that while going through missing my son I too can be of help to someone who is grieving. I wish more people will do the same. Grievers need help and especially to those one who are close with. Who else can do it if we do not?